Actual spousal conversation….
Me: “…..so if you can get home for 6, I will have the baby in bed and we can be up on the ski hill by 7:00.”
Perfect husband: “OK, I can do that, I think my ski socks are still in my boots. Are you in the office tomorrow?”
Me: “No, I have to get a mammogram.”
Me: “So we can go skiing.”
PH: “ ….Wait, what?”
Me: “Mom won’t babysit unless I get a mammogram.”
PH: (silently wonders what the hell he married into).
You need some context for the above conversation. First, we are not good skiers. My husband says he finds skiing very tiring from “all the trying not to die”. I prefer to ski easy runs looking stylish, and save challenging runs for family nights, when I have to go slowly (for all the tiny knee high wonders that are learning). I am very understanding of their limitations. In short, we need all the practice we can get if we are ever going to be able to teach our kid how to ski. Or follow him down the hill after the little beggar learns on his own.
Second, my mother is Judy Caldwell. The odds of me missing a mammogram are about the same as me making the Russian gymnastics team. That being said, with work, and the baby, and the general business of life, it did take me four months to book a mammogram. Hence the babysitting blackmail.
I booked my mammogram through the self-referral program on Tuesday. I had my mammogram on Thursday. The same week. I wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of being flattened and squeezed. I contemplated having pancakes for breakfast in honour of the experience. We made it to the BC Women’s Hospital by noon. 10 minutes later I was done. It was kind of anti-climactic.
Having a mammogram is easier than:
Having a baby;
Doing your taxes;
Finding a bathroom when you really need one;
Getting a baby into a car seat for the first, second, and third time;
Wondering whether you should have a mammogram;
Wondering whether you have breast cancer.
Second spousal conversation:
Me: “…..and I think that we should try to ski in the Interior this spring.”
PH: “What do you have to do for us to go away for a weekend? Tattoo the CBCF logo on one of your boobs?”
Me: “Would you have a problem with that?”
Chelsea Caldwell is a partner at Eichler Caldwell, Barristers & Solicitors, as well as a new mom, wife and proud daughter. Chelsea has been a lawyer for 10 years, litigating cases at all levels of court in British Columbia. She advocates for her clients vigorously and thanks her mom, Judy Caldwell, for teaching her how to convince and (gently) browbeat defendants with a smile. She has figured out how to feed a baby and type at the same time and has a sticky laptop as a result.